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Summer is over, and everyone is back to school. I sit here [in pawcatuck] waiting, just waiting to get out of here and start school, my job, and my life. Summer has been pretty interesting;
In the beginning of the summer i made a decision. I had had enough and i had decided to break up with ben. This was all due to him choosing someone other then me, i have always come last to him. But like any other time we broke up, was it really a break up. To this day he acts like my boyfriend. I tend to like it, and i mistaking-ly let him get away with this habit. He's been my boyfriend for over 3 years and its hard to just lose that, to lose that comfort. So through the summer we have been fighting just as much as we have before. To this day i dont trust him, he lies, and i don't believe him when he tells me he is not up to anything and doing what he actually says. This is something i need to work on, i don't trust anyone anymore, and i partially blame this on him and many other unfortunate events and people. I am fully over the drama with him. I just deal with it, i have nothing better to do. Tonight is the first night i am feeling like it is really over.
For other summer events; i drop friends that are girls all the time, this is not a good thing. I've lost a lot this summer, but also got back a few. I make a friend or even one ive just had for a while and then something will happen, and ill just cut them out of my life, i am good at this, but as I said it is not a good quality. Sometimes i find myself wishing i had friends that are girls terribly. There are few friends that are girls that ive had and have kept around, something always happens. I believe the only friend i have that ive never fought with is kate. She is like my family and i love her and will be there for her till the end. But good friends that are girls are hard to come across and i truely haven't had many there were only a couple to name a few, kayla, minna, and sarah. I lost minna as a friend, and i am getting back to being friends with kayla =] and i talk to sarah when she has the time.
But i also cut a lot of other people out of my life also, i realized i am better then that world and i don't need to be involved in it. Feeling like you cant do anything to stop what people think or say about you has to be the worst feeling ever. Especially when things aren't true, but i guess its what you get when you grow up where i did.
There are some things i wish i could take back, some things i wish i could have said, but i guess its for the better that i have learned from this.
This last past year has been the hardest.
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hercityoflights's journal
confused